Escape from Las Vegas

Dear Apocalyptic Grand Master Savior to the stars,

I live in shithole Las Vegas. Sure there are bigger, more “targetable” cities in the US, but let’s be honest. If you were a terrorist who hates everything that America stands for, why wouldn’t you first look at bombing the “Sin city” where fat, happy tourists abandon their children and blow their life savings on video poker, bad buffets and Celine Dion tickets?

So, how in the hell do I survive? Lake Mead? Head west to the sad mountains we have known as “Mount Charleston”? I’ll be traveling with 3 small children, and a horrible, nagging, god awful wife, who will certainly be the first to die.

You’re right Brad, Vegas sucks. Most population centers are created around a natural resource that supports an economy. Las Vegas was built around gambling, (and the Hoover Dam) so if the gambling stops, so does Vegas. Without power and plumbing, there is nothing to support life there, and this makes a very dangerous post-apocalyptic city. 

In most cities, when the calamity hits, many will be heading out of town, but more will hunker down in their homes. Las Vegas will be different because most people’s homes are thousands of miles away and they will do anything to get back to their family and property. The highways will be clogged with cars, busses, mopeds and golf carts. This will be the traffic jam from hell, and what makes it worse, it’s in a damn desert and sadly few will think to bring enough water. You’ll have cars full of spring breakers trying to stay hydrated on Watermelon Wop. Last time I drove through there it was 117 degrees with a breeze.

The situation on the desert highways will become so desperate that many will start trudging back into Vegas to see if the buffet is still all you can eat. The looting and rioting will be incredible. Gangs will form for the last resources and as the electricity and plumbing stops, heat stroke will set in, and the fountains will be raided for the last available water. When the water runs out, the whole damn city will swarm to Lake Mead and set up camps along the shores.

So you can’t stay, and you probably can’t get out through the highways. You could escape through the desert, but after looking at a map, I realize there isn’t anyplace to escape to. For hundreds of miles it’s a massive arid mountain range with nothing to eat but rattle snakes and cactus. You sure picked a shitty place to live.

My number one rule of surviving the apocalypse is to stay away from people during the first postapocalyptic years. People will become desperate, murderous and cannibalistic. However, It seems like you have no choice and you’ll have to head to Lake Mead.

Lake Mead will be the only source of water for miles and will keep you and your family alive. The problem will be that it soon will be swarming with crazies. Fortunately, the Colorado River can take you from Lake Mead south through the mountains.

Take whatever type of boat suits your family, but as you know, the river can get dodgy in areas, and you may have to pick up your boat to go around rapids and dams. You have a ways ahead of you, so I’d grab a small fishing boat with a small motor. The noise from the motor can drown out your wife’s bitching.

Once on the river you’re going to be looking for any area that can support your family. You’re on a river so you have water taken care of, but look for arable soil and a spot to set up a shelter. Unfortunately, there is no place like that for 60 miles. Bullhead City could be an option, or a bit further south is the Mohave Valley and Needles. Those towns could be safe, but pretty soon you’ll start to see some folks from Vegas coming down the river as you did. When you see a water parade of whores, drunks, showgirls and tigers, it’s time to keep heading down river.

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About the author

ApocalypseGuide had written 112 articles for How to Survive The Apocalypse

22 Responses to "Escape from Las Vegas"
  1. Mark LaFlamme January 8, 2010 19:06 pm

    Good stuff. The idea of trying to survive along with the likes of Siegfried and Roy is a horrifying one. Although in that case, I have a feeling one would quickly eat the other.
    I have a situation that’s almost directly opposite the Las Vegas scenario. I’m in Central Maine where there are no huge population areas at all. When the shit hits the fan, do I go Ramboing down toward Boston? Or say the hell with you all and head north into Canada?

  2. Karl January 9, 2010 03:42 am

    Why not just stay where you are, Mark? I can’t think New Brunswick or Quebec would be much different from Maine. Unless of course this is an America-only apocalypse.

  3. Mark LaFlamme January 9, 2010 04:59 am

    You raise a good point. Quebec’s population is a lot bigger than what we’ve got here.
    But I didn’t mean to detract from the Vegas scenario. I just keep thinking about those poor souls trying to survive with Celine Dion singing in the background. Because, you know, she wouldn’t cancel a show for anything.

  4. Rebel January 9, 2010 05:00 am

    The only situation i would see Mark needing to leave Maine is in a new ice age. which could be a possibility, depending if this appocalypse theory includes the blocking of the sun or not.

    • Sick Puppy April 22, 2011 21:07 pm

      Has anybody been tbough a winter in Maine?

  5. Mark LaFlamme January 9, 2010 05:04 am

    Maine is like a glimpse of an ice age as it is. If things went bad during winter up here, it would be a hell of a struggle. If it’s summer, sure. I’d hunker down, get my wits about me and chart a plan to get somewhere more survivable come winter.

  6. Dmurd January 11, 2010 03:19 am

    Or mark you could always head south towards smallish citys like bath Brunswick Freeport or topsham. Me myself am staying in Maine and heading to bath, not too big or small and plenty of places to use as shelter and loot.

  7. Grizzly907 February 3, 2010 01:33 am

    How the hell do you escape Los Angeles-the shithole of the world?

  8. gBell February 15, 2010 18:13 pm

    I believe there is a post for los angeles as well

  9. KLD February 18, 2010 10:17 am

    Hello sorry to detract from this scenario but I cant figure out where to post my question so I will do it here. How does one escape from chicago should I head to Michigan/ Wisconsin?

  10. Karl February 21, 2010 19:58 pm

    KLD-

    I don’t actually know the area, but from the maps I’d say by boat up the west shore to someplace like Two Rivers or Manitowoc, Wisconsin. Looks to be a good bit of farmland up there. You wouldn’t have to fight through all the towns and cities between Chicago and farm country.

  11. Ian March 1, 2010 10:10 am

    Lake Mead is on the Colorado River, which would be mostly dry without dams. The dams make a great infrastructural target, or good be other wise destroyed. Prepare tp get very wet, then very dry.

  12. Josh June 2, 2010 06:59 am

    Nevada is nice because it has a lot of great, wide open areas where you can go and not be bothered. I use to live in Vegas and I always figured that if i needed to get out of town in the aforementioned scenario, and the high ways were clogged, i would take a hilux type truck off road north on Gass peak road (Google earth it).

    It doesn’t rain much in Nevada, granted, but the rain that does come down is stored in aquafers. Take a look at google earth. Find a green top on a mountain and set your bezel in that direction. dig a well in a low part of it’s base and there will be a good chance of striking water. If you find an old mine that won’t kill you, bonus! you got a cool shelter in the summer, warm in the winter!

  13. Renee January 3, 2011 01:17 am

    I live in the SE corner of Arizona at a mile high elevation. The population here is 6500.I am seven miles from the Mexican border, and 90 miles SE of Tucson. I live within 30 miles of Fort Huachuca, which is the Army's intelligence center. What is the best scenario for me. I have always thought it would be best to stay put because it is so hard to get to where I live. There's only one main hiway in or out. I also have a well, and in this desert, water is worth more than gold is the way I see it. What's your opinion?

  14. TJ March 26, 2011 21:31 pm

    As an ex resident of Las Vegas for 24 years who moved away in 2007, I suggest that the amount of time and mode of transportation that you have make the difference. My first choice would be NE past Mesquite and into Utah. The Arizona often has water in it and is shielded fairly well from things outside of it. Southern Utah, Cedar City and into the mountains-Duck Creek Village area has lakes and streams in the area that are plentiful and currently has game and fish. Otherwise, N. towards Reno & Tahoe. Greater rainfall and water resources. Fortunately I moved to the Pacific Northwest(because I tired of living in the dust-shithole) and have frequent rains and water in abundance. And because I am an avid prepper who make it a priority. Every single time you go to a supermarket, Target or Walmart; spend $20.00 on things for survival-Canned or dry food, water, duct tape, etc,. I dont alot of money and even between my wife and I, we dont make 6 figures, but I make this a priority. I cancelled all credit cards but one and only use that for emergencies. Pay cash for everything, and if you cant, DONT BUY IT!

  15. BrandyG April 27, 2011 06:57 am

    If your kids arent old enough to walk a marathon, make sure you have a plan between you and your wife to carry and or push/pull them in something ahead of time, with shade, because they will not be able to walk through the desert, they just wont, and chances are they will be extreamly cranky and wont understand WHHYYyyYYyyYYyyYYyyYY they have to do this, and that its a life or death situation, so best to prepare for them being compltely useless, cause they probably will be, and if they arent, then that will be a plesant surprise.

    Also realise kids temperatures fluctuate WAY quicker than adults, they dont have enough mass to hold a steady temperature, so if your getting warm, they are boiling, and if your getting cold, they are freezing. Plus they burn faster too, so sunscrean is a MUST, for all of you really.
    Just keep that in mind.

    And it goes without saying, you should start hording water now, it only makes sense living in a desert anyway.

    You might also want to get one of these if you plan to try to outwait the initial rush, or if theres just some other smaller disaster:
    Unfortunately its sold out from the main website at the moment:
    http://www.waterbob.com/Information.do;jsessionid=9FA51D4FD3BCFC9C43B4AA474A0A172D?forward=home

    But its for sale here:
    http://www.cheaperthandirt.com/CAMP205-1.html

    I have not bought it yet myself though, but all the reveiws Ive seen rave about it.

    Good luck.

  16. jeremiah jhonson April 27, 2011 13:39 pm

    u can drink ur p goin thru the desert, up till a certin point……

    • BrandyG April 29, 2011 01:51 am

      When its fresh, dont let it sit, strait into a bottle and strait back in is the safest way, possibly through some sort of cloth to help filter it… but I doubt it would help very much… Plug your nose and imagine its applejuice you left in the sun all day… Although I have not done it myself, thats just what Id do if I had to…

      • jeremiah jhonson April 29, 2011 10:51 am

        ur kidneys will re filter the toxins up to a certine point, so i dont think you need to filter the stuff thru a rag.
        also you can distill it by taking a ruber hose and puting it on the lids of two bottles, one being empty, the other being full of p, put the empty one higher than the other, let it sit for 1-2 hours and enjoy ur filtered, nontoxic, fresh as lake water, p!!
        jhonson

      • Mario October 8, 2012 10:49 am

        Usually the free Vegas trip scam is ran by a time share resort such as Tahiti Village.They will not pay for your trip to and from Vegas tho.Nor do they pay for food or major entertainment.They may throw in a free show, but its a lower end show,that usually costs under $ 10 to see anyway.They only will comp you a room.However, on check in, you have to give them a credit card for security on the room,and things you charge to the room such as a movie or take from the mini bar.And, if you skip out on the presentation for the time share, your charged full rate for the hotel room.The presentation, is a hard sell for a overpriced time share,from sales people who live on commission, and dont take no for a answer lightly.And will take up about a half a day to go thru.So the old saying is true.You get what you pay for!

  17. greyjane June 22, 2011 02:47 am

    I think that Vegas dude should just end it now. He obviously hates his life. Why does he think the apocalypse would end his whining if he can’t seem to do shit about it now? He wouldn’t last a day in the desert with his family.

    /support for suicide as opposed to homicide because you are a misogynist fuck who chose to have 3 kids with someone you can’t stand and can’t seem to do anything about it except bad mouth her.

  18. Kevinfff November 19, 2011 15:47 pm

    In a small disaster scenario that could hit Vegas, you might just want to stay put and wait for the government. A mass exodus out of the city by a million tourists and residents could be much more dangerous thing to be caught up in. The roads would all be a nightmare, and you would absolutely die if you trekked out into the desert. Even skilled wilderness folk have trouble in a desert like that. You’d be doomed. You know your neighborhood, your neighbors, your surroundings. Ration food and water and wait for the cavalry.

    In a massive global disaster, you’re probably dead anyways. There would be many people in Vegas- residents and tourists- who are simply better equipped personally, mentally, and emotionally to survive. You have 3 small children, which is a huge burden. And since you have demonstrated an incompatibility with the woman you chose to spend your life with (I won’t even begin to fathom why someone would be so idiotic to have 1 child with someone they dislike, let alone 3) you will be able to count on her just as little as she can count on you.

    So in a global disaster, with no hope of rescue in months or years, you are simply dead. Or your 3 children are, and you can try with the soulless choice of abandoning them and going it alone without them as a burden. Even then,you are clearly a weak willed whiner. You live in a city you hate which shows a massively weak, spineless and submissive nature. You are married to a woman you hate which demonstrates poor decision making abilities when it comes to major choices. And you can’t seem to control your libido even at great personal cost and hardship, which demonstrates you are governed by irrationality and cannot logically assess your situation. Your liabilities are stacked way against you. Frankly, you and your family are almost certainly dead.

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